Sometimes the words seem to fall from my finger tips, it’s
as though I have little involvement in the process at all; I sit, I type and
the story practically writes itself. Sometimes I appear to float through my working
day nothing hinders me and all runs smoothly whereas other times everything
annoys me, everything is difficult and my back aches.
On Monday with aching back I had inspiration; so I sat on
the sofa with many cushions for support and typed away on the lap top. The
story didn’t quite work, the story would have made a good poem, the poem turned
out to be rubbish; never mind perhaps I will return to it sometime.
On Tuesday and Wednesday I played Fall Out 4, but got
stuck in a lengthy cut scene just before bed time.
On Thursday I arrived home with books from the library
and minimal back pain. I had lesson inspiration and sat on the sofa underlining
passages, jotting down ideas and making lists. By Friday evening the inspiration
had waned somewhat but I made some progress and developed my ideas further. I
went to bed with plans. I visualized the next day, the Saturday morning kitchen
table, piled high with books and notes and progression.
It did not rain on Saturday, the sky was blue, the
morning was bright, all the signs were there for a productive day and yet I completely
couldn’t be arsed. My inspiration, my motivation, aspiration, get up and go, my
entrepreneurial spirit, my drive, my passion, my sense of purpose, had; during
the night utterly dissipated and it took several hours before I even managed to
get out of my dressing gown.
I thought I’d get on with it after lunch, which I didn’t.
I did nothing. I wasn’t down, or depressed, or tired or run into the ground. I
just couldn’t be bothered and yet I’m awfully uncomfortable with that.
Society is constantly telling me I should do things.
Those facebook photos with the pictures of nice skies and the like are telling
me not to lose one single day, to DO IT NOW, to get up and smell the coffee,
the roses, and so on. I should have been walking on the beach, baking a cake,
making a thing, working a manuscript, listening to music, practicing Yoga, even
casting a spell, yet I couldn’t even be bothered with my Sims.
Friday night I was reading about Belbin's theory of team
types, yet another archetype thing, some people are innovators, some are
coordinators you know the how it goes; and I couldn’t but help think; as I
always do with archetypes, that depending on my mood, I am any one of those
types.
From one day to the next I can be the type that cannot be arsed. I can be the
type that spends all day in a dressing gown, I can sit in my shack in Fall Out 4;
gaze onto the partially cleared street I’ve created and not even bother with
one single quest.
And that’s OK because the next day I can be a go getter
again!
